Journey of my last week of holiday.

Starting from today I'll be at my granddad's place. I think we'll (my brothers and I) be there til Saturday. I won't be able to write since there are no computers or if there is a computer, there's no internet. But no worries. I've learned my lesson. I'm bringing a book there to write all my thoughts in. I'll rewrite it all in my blog when I get back. If it's possible maybe even upload some photos. But I can already start writing about this morning since I'm here.
Anyway, this morning is NOT a good morning. I woke up to a real pain in my stomach and have been to the toilet at least 5 times already!! I didn't even have my breakfast yet. And I might not have any lunch too. The pain was....I wouldn't say unbearable since I've been able to bear in until now but it was not something you would want to experience. At first I thought it was the noodles I ate for lunch yesterday because I've had similar pains last year. But then, this time it wasn't that painful. I stayed up all night the last time. So, after my third run to the toilet my mom told me her theory. Well not actually theory since she was quite sure what it was. She said it was because of the tea I drank last night. Said that it was those 'diet' tea. WHAT?? Would 'diet tea' hurt that much?? She said that it's because it's cleaning my stomach of bacteria and unwanted waste products such as fat. Well, if it's going to make me slimmer and stop all those uncomfortable feeling in there then be my guess. Just PLEASE don't hurt it. My stomach I mean. Hopefully it'll pass soon. I have a big day tomorrow. But that's another story.
Anyway, in between the runs to the toilet I've booked the tickets for tomorrow's Alvin and the Chipmunks 2 movie. They put me on hold like 2 times. And the machine that tells you to hold is actually just a recording of a guy in this pretend robot voice saying 'our line is now/still busy. Please hold the line again.' Honestly after I heard it the second time, I was going hang up but then, someone picked up. And I got really good seats. Yay me!!

Oh my god! my stomach hurts again. Gotta run.

what would you do?

What would you do?
If the person you smile at doesn't smile back at you?

What would you do?
If the light you're use to, changes colour and so, changing your view?

What would you do?
If the one you're longing for doesn't long for you?

What would you do?
When the last thing you thought was possible, comes true?

What would you do?
When the person you thought you hate loves you too?

What would you do?
When your life changes course and you're stuck to endure?

What would you do?
If the person you trust, betrays you?

What would you do?
When once you could pretend but now can never do?

What would you do?
If the world crashes down but you find it hurts more when your own world crashes down too?

What would you do?
When you don't understand anything but know that somehow you do?

What would you do?
If your heart is like mine? Never in silence and never really true?

an unfinish song or poem or whatever you wanna call it.

Being happy isn't real,
I couldn't resist the tears,
One drop at a time
The emptiness appears,
The pain, the helplessness,
What the broken heart fears.
Don't close me in this world
Where happiness never last,
becomes a past,
and ending in broken glass.
I cry.
But the worlds doesn't collide,
it doesn't realise,
that I can't,
keep on smiling
while tears are falling
and still pretending.
I cry.
But the sun's still rising
and rain's still falling
on me.
And I'm left with nothing.

....

A boyfriend please...part 1

My fantasy goes like this....
I ask: "May I ask for something?"
Santa Clause: "For Christmas?"
I said: " Yup! For Christmas."
Santa Clause: "It depends...Have you been a good girl?"
I said: "As good as I'll ever get!"
Santa Clause: "Well then...sure. What would you like for Christmas this year?"
I said: "Nothing expensive. I would just like a boyfriend please."
Santa Clause: "A boyfriend?? That's all?" (See, even Santa thinks it's logical.)
I said: "Yup! That's all I ask. I want him to be PERFECT. Everything I have in mind."
Santa Clause: "And what do you have in mind?"
I said: "Just someone tall, dark and handsome. Oh, and has a weird personality like me, deep thinking, stands for what he thinks is right, loves to cuddle, kiss, hug and whatever that would make me go wow. And he also has to be funny, has a really nice smile....." (On and on I go...It's kinda a long list.)
Santa Clause: "Just send me a mental image and I'll see what I can do. As long as you stop talking.)
I said: " Okay!! Will I find him under the Christmas Tree??"
Santa Clause: "If you can find a big enough Christmas tree, then I'll see what I can do. Ho Ho Ho...I'm just kidding."
I said: "Ya, very funny Santa."
Santa Clause: "Sorry sweetheart but no, you won't find him under your Christmas tree. He'll appear in the place where you least expect him to. Have fun...Ho Ho Ho!"
( And with a shimmer, he dissapeared. Not up the chimney I might add cause we don't have one.)
Christmas day...

(Will be continued)

new blog

Just this morning was when I start being not so sure of everything.
1st. I woke up too early for a normal Saturday. I woke up at 7.48am. And I just couldn't decide whether or not to go back to sleep. It's really nice and cool this morning. Usually I would no doubt fall right back to sleep. But for some reason I just can't do that today.
2nd. Just as I was thinking ( as always ) while lying in bed, Baby sent me a message. She too can't go back to sleep after being forced out of bed by missed calls. Anyway, what I mean is that I've been having same things happening to me and my friends at the same time. Coincidence? I don't think so.
3rd. Tom's not giving me ANY feedback about the whole Eric thing. What??!! God, does he really not care? Was I wrong all a long? Even Oon gave me a satisfied feedback. In other words, she was shocked. But what's so shocking about it? Do I look like someone who can't get a boyfriend? Or does she mean something else? Maybe she knows about this blog( I doubt it) or maybe she knows I'm not that over Tom yet. Even Greg congratulated me. Weird he didn't say anything about being my ex. And what about Uncle Stan? Oon said that it was him who told her about my 'relationship'. That's weird too. Since he didn't call or email me about it.
4th. Everything about mom and dad is getting out of control. Dad for some reason asked me for my account number and told me not to tell anybody, especially mom. And mom, well mom's being meaner than usual. And leaving me in between. It's so annoying.
5th. Symun has a blog now, symun96.blogspot.com, go check it out if you want to. And that leaves me with the big undecided problem now. Should I get another blog? A secret one I mean. But I guess not. Since I write almost everything here anyway. If it's not meant to be heard, I'll automatically not write it. What's the point right?

By the looks of all the problems I have just this morning, I doubt it'll get any better. And now my brothers are annoying me with their problems. What? Am I a problem-centre now?

too emotional

I am actually too emotional. I might look like I don't care what other people think or look like I'm too cool for others, but I really care and I'm not too cool for others. You know the feelings you get after listening to a song? Yeah, well it really affects me. I guess that's what songs are for. They can make you think back to all the memories and make you smile, cry or just get high. And well, most of the time I'll cry. Not that I do it in front of other people. And it'll stick with me for the whole day. The feelings I mean. That's way I usually do it at night. It seems that I have lots of memories. Most of them sad. I don't get it. Aren't you suppose to remember good times better than the bad ones?? Is there something wrong with me? Hmmm...

soulmates=love??

Soulmates...hmmm...does it really exist? Do you have to love each other very much to be called soulmates or do you have to be soulmates to love each other very much? I wonder what is the real rule for two people to be called soulmates. Can you go through life without finding your soulmate? And only the very lucky ones do? I don't know where I got the idea from but somehow I've heard people saying that Tom and I are soulmates. I guess that's why I haven't gotten over him yet. Because this not-so-possible idea is stuck in my head, making me think that there will be a day when he'll come back to me. Honestly, I really do wish that it exists. At least then, the world won't be full of hatred. That everyone will at least love and be loved by someone. Is that where life comes in too? For us to not only try to make peace, make better things happen but also to find the right person? When I think of this, I sometimes do wish the my mom and dad are soulmates. Sometimes, not always. I don't think my mom really hates my dad that much. It's true he did a lot of bad things. Most of them I don't even know myself but if you've loved a person once, I don''t think you can 'unlove' them. Yes, you might hate them but somewhere deep inside, there should still be a place for that person. Most of the time we try to deny it, especially my mom. But if it were me, and I've been hurt that badly, I would deny it myself.

these last few weeks without internet

Yay!! I'm so happy to be able to write again. So many things were running through my mind these past few weeks. The bad news is I can't remember most of it. I should start a dairy just in case. But it'll probably come back to me sooner or later. Anyway, the few things I do remember is having to think about
1. LIFE....what to do with it.
2. Tom....I can't believe I'm not over him yet.
3. Death...How scary it is.
The first two things are about the same questions as always. That leaves us with the third thing. Death. Just the word is enough to make me shiver. Nobody knows what happens when a person dies. I guess that's what makes it so scary, not knowing what's gonna happen. If everyone's going to die, does that mean we already accept death?? A lot of people turn to God when they talk about death. What is God anyway?? What if I don't believe in God?? Does that mean I won't be accepted in heaven( if there's such thing )?? Does that mean I'll be a ghost?? Is that why there's so many ghosts in the world? Because they don't believe? After watching the movie 2012, I've been wondering. If almost everyone dies during that year, would there be enough place for everyone to be in heaven? Or Hell??? What about that place? Or else, is everyone gonna become a ghost and roam the Earth til who knows when? So many questions and I bet nobody can give the right answer. Honestly, I think even a priest would sometimes be scared of death.