What am I going to do?? I did some research on the choir stuff and guess what I found? I found that we (PGS choir) sucks really bad! And I mean REALLY bad. We stick like shit! I'm not sure whether it's me or them. We should really get a proper teacher. What really pisses me off is about the rules for the competition. The seniors told me one thing and the internet tells me something else. Who am I to trust? And our choir members are not very dedicated to winning as I hoped they would be. What am I going to do? It's my last year. I'm freaking out so badly now.
Next about YQ, hmmm....what am I suppose to say? I knew something was wrong from the minute she said she wanted to go back after choir. At first I didn't know what happen, although I did have a good guess, but after reading her blog I totally know what went wrong. I would say it's not my fault but then I would be lying because the truth is, I can barely remember what I did at the choir meeting. I only remember walking in and walking out. What happened in the middle was a blur. She said that I shouted at her. I think I was shouting at everyone that time. That's why I couldn't remember doing anything bad to her. I was so tensed and annoyed at this one new member who wouldn't sing. For crying out loud you're in a choir!!! If you don't want to sing then get the heck out. So anyways, I'm really sorry to YQ if I hurt her feelings because I can barely handle myself now.
Which takes me to my other problem. What is up with ALL the homework?? Am I graduating college already?? It's like there is never enough time to do anything. I think I'm going crazy. !st with the choir and now with all the homework? I've given mt best at trying to finish it off by myself but I've found out that once you stop you won't want to go back and do it. You just feel like you deserve a break and slack off. And what is with that English teacher. Does she have too big saliva glands or something. And she thinks that she is the best when she's so obviously NOT!!
And about Jia Quan...well let's just say he won't be hanging on for too long. I know his type all too well. They say 1 thing to you and totally does another. He'll give up chasing me sooner or later. For me, I have some bigger tiger to hunt. Although I still can't decide whether to choose curly eyelash guy or motor guy. Motor guy seems kinda into me so things would be a little easier.
What else happened?? Hmmm...oh ya...my friends mother passed away. It's so sad!! Just hearing about makes you wanna cry. But of course it's better not to do so because she would get very upset. It just goes to show that the world is so unpredictable. We should do what we can now so that we know we've done it before we regret not doing it.
my unheard question
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Saturday, January 9, 2010
self training...
Don't sleep...Don't fall asleep...
Those are the words I keep repeating to myself. It's been 1 full week and I'm already so exhausted.
How am I gonna last til November 22nd?? I'm afraid that I'll collapse before March even comes. I didn't even watch TV for 3 days this past week. A new record. Besides what I have to do now, tomorrow and what I haven't done, I have no more time to think about anything else. Well, except boys but I only start to think of them when I see them so it doesn't count. Not only that, I feel so tired everyday and every night. And hungry. I have to stop eating like this or else my diet plan would not work. The strange thing is I'm not as obsessed with Tom as I used to. And, I kinda like studying and trying to finish my homework on time. It feels like my time is so full and organised. It's kinda cool knowing what you have accomplished and what you're going to do next without needing to try and remember what you were supposed to do. This is all thanks to my cousin. Gosh, I really miss having her around. It feels like she's still here. I miss her SO much. And her brother (also my cousin, of course), honestly, I couldn't really look him in the eye the whole time he was here. He's that good looking. And 2 of my friends already thinks he's hot. Like DUH!! Too bad he's my cousin though. You know, I've fantasized about me and him together. Gross, I know but just hear me out. I can't remember where I heard this but what I heard was that if you wanna make sure that you like someone in that special way, just imagine what it feels like when you're kissing him. And so I did, and guess what, it was revolting. I mean, sure he's cute and all but once I imagine us kissing, I felt like I was gonna puke. I feel really embarrassed about thinking of him in that way. But at least I'm admitting it. And over it.
Those are the words I keep repeating to myself. It's been 1 full week and I'm already so exhausted.
How am I gonna last til November 22nd?? I'm afraid that I'll collapse before March even comes. I didn't even watch TV for 3 days this past week. A new record. Besides what I have to do now, tomorrow and what I haven't done, I have no more time to think about anything else. Well, except boys but I only start to think of them when I see them so it doesn't count. Not only that, I feel so tired everyday and every night. And hungry. I have to stop eating like this or else my diet plan would not work. The strange thing is I'm not as obsessed with Tom as I used to. And, I kinda like studying and trying to finish my homework on time. It feels like my time is so full and organised. It's kinda cool knowing what you have accomplished and what you're going to do next without needing to try and remember what you were supposed to do. This is all thanks to my cousin. Gosh, I really miss having her around. It feels like she's still here. I miss her SO much. And her brother (also my cousin, of course), honestly, I couldn't really look him in the eye the whole time he was here. He's that good looking. And 2 of my friends already thinks he's hot. Like DUH!! Too bad he's my cousin though. You know, I've fantasized about me and him together. Gross, I know but just hear me out. I can't remember where I heard this but what I heard was that if you wanna make sure that you like someone in that special way, just imagine what it feels like when you're kissing him. And so I did, and guess what, it was revolting. I mean, sure he's cute and all but once I imagine us kissing, I felt like I was gonna puke. I feel really embarrassed about thinking of him in that way. But at least I'm admitting it. And over it.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
sigh**
Oh my god. I hate crying. My eyes get all puffy and small and weird after crying. Why do people cry anyway. I try so hard to keep from crying in front of my cousin and in the car with my dad. But once the door to my room is tightly shut...the tears just comes spilling out. If your wondering why, well I can tell you it's just the same old thing. But I usually don't cry about it. I just pretend nothing happen. But I don't know what's wrong with me today. It seemed like my day was at least better than my friend's, but I guess I was wrong.
Anyway, it's kind of a long story. It's about my mom and dad. Yup, he's back. I'm kind of torn in between now. A part of me want my dad to go back now and everything would go back to normal. But the other part of me wants him to stay a little longer. Since I don't know when I'll be able to see him again. Hmmm...I don't really want to say what happened just in case I'll cry again. But I'll say a few things though.
When I came back, I asked my mom whether she'd eaten dinner or not. She replied: "What if I haven't?"....I said: "Well, then you should eat something." My point is, why did she say that?? I mean, I was just wondering whether she'd eaten anything and what? She thinks I mean to say something else? Does she not get me at all? And ever since my dad's back she's been treating me like I'm on his team or something. And it's only to me. I know she thinks I get all of it but I still have feelings. I don't blame her or anything but she has to think of SOMEONE ELSE once in awhile.
If they (I mostly mean she) just stop hating each other and look closely, they would see that they're more a like than they think. I can't really remember what it is they share but it's there. But then again, maybe everything's not what it seems. Maybe it's not as easy as I think. I regret so much right now for being the more understanding one. If I didn't know that much, maybe I wouldn't feel like this every time this happens.
Anyway, it's kind of a long story. It's about my mom and dad. Yup, he's back. I'm kind of torn in between now. A part of me want my dad to go back now and everything would go back to normal. But the other part of me wants him to stay a little longer. Since I don't know when I'll be able to see him again. Hmmm...I don't really want to say what happened just in case I'll cry again. But I'll say a few things though.
When I came back, I asked my mom whether she'd eaten dinner or not. She replied: "What if I haven't?"....I said: "Well, then you should eat something." My point is, why did she say that?? I mean, I was just wondering whether she'd eaten anything and what? She thinks I mean to say something else? Does she not get me at all? And ever since my dad's back she's been treating me like I'm on his team or something. And it's only to me. I know she thinks I get all of it but I still have feelings. I don't blame her or anything but she has to think of SOMEONE ELSE once in awhile.
If they (I mostly mean she) just stop hating each other and look closely, they would see that they're more a like than they think. I can't really remember what it is they share but it's there. But then again, maybe everything's not what it seems. Maybe it's not as easy as I think. I regret so much right now for being the more understanding one. If I didn't know that much, maybe I wouldn't feel like this every time this happens.
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