self training...

Don't sleep...Don't fall asleep...
Those are the words I keep repeating to myself. It's been 1 full week and I'm already so exhausted.
How am I gonna last til November 22nd?? I'm afraid that I'll collapse before March even comes. I didn't even watch TV for 3 days this past week. A new record. Besides what I have to do now, tomorrow and what I haven't done, I have no more time to think about anything else. Well, except boys but I only start to think of them when I see them so it doesn't count. Not only that, I feel so tired everyday and every night. And hungry. I have to stop eating like this or else my diet plan would not work. The strange thing is I'm not as obsessed with Tom as I used to. And, I kinda like studying and trying to finish my homework on time. It feels like my time is so full and organised. It's kinda cool knowing what you have accomplished and what you're going to do next without needing to try and remember what you were supposed to do. This is all thanks to my cousin. Gosh, I really miss having her around. It feels like she's still here. I miss her SO much. And her brother (also my cousin, of course), honestly, I couldn't really look him in the eye the whole time he was here. He's that good looking. And 2 of my friends already thinks he's hot. Like DUH!! Too bad he's my cousin though. You know, I've fantasized about me and him together. Gross, I know but just hear me out. I can't remember where I heard this but what I heard was that if you wanna make sure that you like someone in that special way, just imagine what it feels like when you're kissing him. And so I did, and guess what, it was revolting. I mean, sure he's cute and all but once I imagine us kissing, I felt like I was gonna puke. I feel really embarrassed about thinking of him in that way. But at least I'm admitting it. And over it.