falling apart...

My world is officially falling apart. I don't know what I want anymore. I'm becoming more and more greedy, more and more unreliable. I don't think I can even trust myself anymore. Everything is spinning around and around....Homework is piling up and up...my heart and my feelings are confused and I'm really messed up. I really need a big bear hug. But those that mean I'm willing to give that hug to just anyone now?? Jia Quan is now...well, I wouldn't say a big problem but a problem indeed. I've been thinking...I know I haven't totally let go of Tom yet but I'm totally ready to accept another person. Is that person Jia Quan?? I'm not sure. Perhaps it's just a for now thing. You know how I am...I'm always changing my mind. And because of this, I know I can't just accept him for now and just dump him like that once I find someone else. I wouldn't want anyone to treat me that way. But he's just so convincing. But honestly...I'm not that natural around him...or should I say when I'm texting him. He's not smart, has no confidence, isn't handsome, keep pressuring me and doesn't know how to cook. Oh, and need I say that his English is just...bad!! There are a few similarities we have. But is that enough?? He hasn't texted me today. Hmmm....I kinda miss him. Or am I just feeling this way because we've been texting for so long. Although, lately I have constantly been looking for topics for us to talk about. You just get lost after awhile. I've been thinking really hard. Maybe I should wait and see how I do with either curly eyelash guy or motor guy. And also see how we really feel about each other when we ACTUALLY meet on Friday.