So lost in thought....

1.End of school....today's the last day of school...for this year that is. SCHOOL'S OUT!!! But of course, I didn't go to school today. I tempt to shy away from chores....I'm not sure what happened today, and I don't even think I want to know. It's probably same as usual. So, nothing too interesting. Hmmm....last long term holiday of my life!! And I can tell you now, it's gonna be hectic!!

2.Sometimes I feel like I fit better in a book. I've probably said many times now, but it's true. I always think of the best life I can get. And secretly, I always replay the scenes in my head and to say the lines to make it feel so real. But once I put the book down. It feels like I'm suddenly torn in half. Reality and fiction. And like I've said before, I prefer fiction. Life seems better in there. Maybe I should stop reading....naw!!

3.I can't stand unprofesional people!! I've called the stupid cinema a thousand times but still no one answers the damn phone!! What's the point then?? Urgh!! All I want to do was book some tickets so my friends and I could get a girls day out. Plus Symun, I guess. But no....cause no one would pick up the stupid phone!! Atleast post a notice on the net or something, GOD!! Why are people so inconsiderate!!

4.Am I going to waste my life like my aunts and uncles?? Doing something just for the money or interest?? Not knowing where I'll be in ten years...or 20..?? I'm already confused of my future, I don't need to be worried about it too. So many people influencing me all at once, how would I know what's best?? Life is too short to go through every choice and find out in the end that it was a mistake. Too short to go through mistake over mistake til you find the right path. What am I going to do??

5......Hmmm....what am I going to do about Tom?? I was wrong, I know now, because he did wish me happy birthday. Just a little late. I guess due to the time difference and all. I still want to use Eric on him. I'm just not sure how I'm going to. It's not really that easy. Timing is really important, and I'm not sure when's the right time. I'm not even sure if he'll think anything about it. I know I should just let him go already but, there's too much feeling....if you know what I mean.

Hot tempered!

Urgh!!!
I can't stand it when people don't do what they're told!!
I don't push them, I simple ask them to do it.
But no...
They still don't follow!
In the end, I am the one doing everything.
I also really can't stand it when people don't give me a straight answer.
But who can??
I ask and ask but still no answer!
A 'maybe' is NOT a straight answer and it's the most annoying answer a person can give.
It's either a yes or a no.
Is that so hard??

Boring birthday...

Is it really a big deal how your birthday is celebrated? I've never mind how anyone celebrated with me. Didn't matter when I was little and doesn't bother me now. But I can't help wish that some certain people would wish me a happy birthday though. Just a simple 'Happy Birthday, Yasmine' would actually make my day. And if you know me well enough, you'll know who I'm talking about. But, sometimes even these simple birthday wishes won't come true. I don't blame them. Maybe they forgot? I mean, I always forget others' birthday. It could be karma.

Wanted love

@ So many things I want to have safely in my grasp

* So many undecided feelings I have towards others around me

@ So many things I try to hide...try to let the memory fade

* But there's only one thing I would trade everything I have for

@ But it would never come to me, to anyone if not from a story book

* I crave to have what fiction characters have

@ To be one of them if I can

^^ Have the fate I believe in believe in me

^^ The love of an adoring one

^^ The love of my own love one

^^ To have my live so complicated yet so easy to define

@ If only I could be in that fairy tale, to be that special person to my love

* If things could go as it would go for the luckiest one

@ If only I were that lucky to begin with......I don't doubt my life, just my eyes that couldn't see what I'm dying to believe...

( Just a reminder, I've just finished reading the forth book of the Twilight serires and it's the best!! Twilght totally rocks!!)

The game

It wasn't so much of a game then it was a test. True it was a game at first but after the game, the results may shock you. Even though I'll admit that it was wrong to play on others feelings, especially your own friends. But what you'll learn from the results are such eye-openers. All this while, I tried to think or persuade myself that I belong with my so-called 'gang', it's usually like hypnotizing myself, telling myself that it's as good as it's going to get. But, once again, life proves me wrong. I didn't know that I was, at all, in any of their lives. Baby says that it's because we're friends that's why she trusts me that much. Milky, on the other hand, keeps saying that we didn't fooled her one bit. YEAH RIGHT!!! I mean, maybe she felt something weird about our acting but she was the one whose most affected,just admit that we totally fooled ya! I heard that Baby cried while trying to debate on whose side she should choose. Well, I'm sorry for that, I didn't mean for it to get that far. She says she might not trust me again. That's a good precaution but you'll probably have to believe me when something totally real happens. As for the stories I'll tell in the future, you don't really need to believe those. Listening is good enough. They probably should also know that if anything like this ever really happened, I wouldn't really make them choose sides. I'll never try to break someone else's friendship. I'm not THAT self-centered. As for Omelet, she's not that into the whole game. It's like she doesn't really care that much. It kind of annoys me a lot. Anyway, because of their reactions towards mine and Moody's little game, it has totally showed me their true selves. But after the game though, Moody wasn't all that happy anymore. I'm not sure whether she's overreacting or anything but she feels that Milky and Baby hasn't really gotten over it yet. That's probably true and I kinda bet that they're gonna seek revenge, but as true as these friends are to us, I doubt they'll hold a grudge on us. But just in case, I probably should watch my back.

Immune to you...

I easily get immune to things. It's something I try to train myself to do. But get use to something isn't really a good idea. I not only get immune to things, I can get immune to feelings, people and places too. For now, it's the thought of leaving a place that really triggers that hole in my heart. It's not a big hole, just so you know, but it's deep enough. To tell you the truth, I really do want to get out of school. But the thought of never going back again is really awful. Even if I do go back again someday, it would be a whole other meaning. I won't be the one carrying my heavy school bags and walking down that long hall way to what seems like 6 hours of torture. I'll just be a visitor going through my old memories. The teachers who taught me won't be there anymore. Next year will be my last year at PGS. I won't say that these will be the best years of my life but these will be the years where I'd learned too much. I learned about friendship, about loyalty, about how to get out of being punish and most of all, I learned how to find myself and be me. It might sound really cocky but it's totally true. All those years of trying to survive one day at a time in this weird torture chamber really have thought me to trust myself. But I got to say that no more scary examinations does feel kinda good. I would miss waking up early and going to school. Some days anxious yet some days horrified by what's coming at you. Teachers trying to annoy the hell out of you by giving you loads of homework and friends who you can almost always count on. I mean, by then, it won't be like holidays where you anticipate to go back and see how your friends changed in that long 8 weeks. It would be anticipating to see how your friends have changed in these long 10 to 20 years. See the difference?? I know I'll live through it, but I don't anticipate it.

Twilight, New Moon Movie News, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn Graphics, Pictures & Merchandise

Twilight, New Moon Movie News, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn Graphics, Pictures & Merchandise

Still friends??

You still look at me with those eyes...
We still want each other's photos in your life...
We try to accept what we are becoming...
We try to leave the best for last....
And not leave it as a distant memory...
It has already been 15 years we've been friends. When we were 8, Tom and his family moved back to England. Sure they come back every year but....everything has change. Our friendship, our lives, our feelings...they've all change. Tom's got a seemingly better life there and I have always try my hardest to make him remember what's it like here. And as the years passed, he has his own friends he doesn't want to leave behind. I'm not yet a memory. Though I will be. I don't blame him. This place has its best times and its bad times. Some times he brings his friends along when he comes back with his family. And I always try to find a place in his new life. The old feelings do come back sometimes. And yet sometimes you just got to accept that everything is changing.He's not coming back next year. I try to think on the bright side but......I will miss him. I might not see him again. Especially, when we both go our separate ways to college. We might be united someday. But I doubt it would be soon. Is it easier to just let it go and move on?? It is actually, but to find the will to let go is pretty hard. I'm not sure how he feels about this, but I'm pretty sure he also has some things he's dieing to say to me, as I to him. But in the end, didn't say a word because it might make things harder. I'm not sure how we'll be in the future, but if I know us well enough, our connection will still be there. I mean, he might be my soul mate for all I know. I don't really anticipate anything to happen but....just please please please don't make me a memory. I still want a place in his heart. Even if it means we're not close, not together, not really friends.

I need a life...

Oh my god!! I can't believe I'm getting more and more crazier everyday! I so need a life. I totally wish that I could be Bella from Twilight and is being loved by Edward! How hard is it to find the perfect guy here anyway? It's like this place is full of guys but none of them hot or cute or at the very least, decent looking. I just want a hot guy that loves me to death, I won't even care if he is a vampire. See?? I DO need a life. It's not that I'm picky or anything, I just have high standards. I want someone that loves to hug and give me cuddles or nice warm and sweet kisses but no, all the guys here are either useless or brainless. Useless as in no good looks, not original, not talented and so on. Brainless as in stupid, too slow for their own good, and doesn't know that working out would probably be good for their skinny little arms. How can anyone live with this?? Guys at 16 should at least be 178cm tall, have toned arms and be really out going. But no, in this useless place all we have are chickens and pigs! I don't understand what any of the girls here see in these guys. Obviously their blind or they're all just as brainless. I can't blame myself for having such high standards. I tried dating this totally normal guy, no good looks and no brains, and all I can say is that I've tried my hardest but....not working. They're too many glitches in that boy. I just won't like anyone that are not up to my level. This is totally normal, of course. That is way whenever I read a good love story, I feel so bad for myself cause I won't get that type of guy in real life. I feel bad for the girls here too. They haven't seen the world yet. They don't know quality. I would know because I watch a lot of TV and have lots of fantasies about hot guys. This has got to change. That's why I'm training my brothers to be the perfect guys. Even though they're kinda brainless too but we'll leave that for the scientists. They will be fine gentlemen once they come to my age and I'll bet girls would be fighting for them. Another thing is that guys here are no gentlemen. They're so self-centered and don't care anything about how we girls feel. How hard is it to make sure that us girls are always comfortable. And I don't even mean those fancy stuff like opening the door for them( even though that's a good place to start). I mean the easy stuff like not saying rude words in front of us or just letting us go first or helping us when we need someone to help us buy tickets to a 18SG movie(By the way, thanks to that guy in the cinema for helping me get those tickets. You're the one exception to my complains about the guys here.). Someone has to change this horrible mess!! I'll try to do my best but I do need a lot of help!!

Blogging

Well, I've just started doing this a few days ago. I'm not very good at it and I didn't actually tell any of my friends. I just figured I'll be writing a lot about my friends so no need for them to know about it. I would have just gotten a dairy but come on, this is what the internet is for right? And I am not really into writing that much. It hurts my hand. So anyway, I have thought about letting my cousin know about this but I don't really need her commenting on my useless blogs. I want to save this place for when I need to express my unwanted feelings. I don't really want people to comment on the stupid things I've written. I might get beat up or something. I think the only person that actually knows about this is my weird brother. But he only knows this because he was standing right behind me when I registered. But like I said, he's weird so he probably won't even know this even if it hits him on the head. At first, I wanted to put my songs on here but they're mostly in chinese and I don't have that chinese star thing. So whatever. I'm not even sure why I'm writing this if no ones gonna see it. But it's better then to pile everything in my head or heart or chest or whatever place people usually keep their secrets. These aren't actually secrets though. Just thoughts or feelings I have during the day at school. Nothing really personal. I probably won't be saying anything bad about anyone too. Just to keep it safe. Just in case my friends do find out about this blog. My mom doesn't really approve of blogging though. She thinks it's just telling the whole world about your life, like an open dairy, for everyone to see. It's probably true but at least it's better that writing and wasting paper right??

Hot, pretty or beautiful?

A lot of times I wonder what type of look do I have. I've asked a few of my friends and the answers are usually the same. Some thinks I'm hot but it's just because I usually wear really short skirts and shorts. Some thinks I'm pretty because I don't really look my age. Others think I'm cute because I have a weird personality. Hmmm......I can't say that I'm not any of those and my looks are just normal, because I'll admit that I do get a lot of attention but like any other teenage girl, I want to look attractive. If you think being pretty and being attractive is the same thing, well, you're wrong. Pretty is just above average. Yes you get attention but not from EVERYONE. But if you're attractive, you get more attention by mostly everyone. It means that people would think you're good looking even if you did the weirdest things. A lot of people act like a whole other person in front of people besides their friends. I'm not sure whether it's because they want to be mysterious or they just don't feel comfortable being themselves. It's called lack of confidence. But a person also can't have too much confidence or you'll seem like a snob. It has to be balance. Anyway, I don't really like people to call me cute though it's not a bad name but cute makes me feel too young or immature. People already think I look 3 years younger, I don't need them thinking I'm immature too. I really like being called hot though. Just so you know, hot means that you have a good figure and that means you're kinda sexy too. Who doesn't want to be called sexy?? Now, being attractive doesn't really mean you have to have good looks, it just means that you know how to catch peoples attention. But that, in the world of teenage slangs, means that you're hot and the opposite sex can't keep their eyes off of you. I wouldn't say that I'm not an attractive person it's just that I'm not THAT attractive. God, this blog is getting no where although it is good to finally tell the truth. I can't really say this to anyone because they would think that I'm trying too hard. But I think for now, I can just handle being different. In a good way of course. You know, being different IS sorta attractive. At least I think so. Weird huh?

The future

Hmmm.....well, my future is quite a mess right now. I don't mean it in a bad way. It's just that I can't make up my mind. I have no idea what I want to be in my near future. If you think there's time, well, you're wrong. There is no time. It's not just what I want to be or do but I have to know what I'm going to be studying in college. Most of the things I have in mind won't really have a bright future I would say. Like for now I would really like to be a film director. But in order to get to that stage, minus all the fame, I still need to get through the first 10 years of being something else, like an assistant or something. I can't really wait that long. I also really like acting but being an actress only has its good times when you're famous. I also thought of being a neurosurgeon. But....to be that you got to study. A lot. And I'm really sure I'm not the study type. I'm more of a action and artistic person. I really like creating something totally new or use my imagination a lot. I could also do video or sound editing, but I don't think it would get me any where. And there is the possibility of becoming a film executive. But I don't really want to be blamed for bad films. It's like the outside world is coming to get me or something. And I only have 1 more year to go. After my SPM, I have to go to college. And then if I chose the wrong path...I don't even want to think about the consequences. It could destroy my future. I'm not worried that I won't do a good job at whatever I have to do in the end. I'm mostly worried that I won't be happy with what I chose. This is really hard for me and I believe it's hard for everyone my age. I know I still have 1 year to think about it but I really want to focus next year and not let my insecurity of my future abrupt my concentration. If I come from a rich family, then there won't be this problem. I can't change courses when I can't stand the first one and not worry about wasting money. Things would be so much easier. The main reason why I want a better future is so that I can give my mom a better life. She can go around the world or buy whatever she wants and won't get worried about the budget. Film directing is what I mainly feel like doing right now. I'll make my decision when the time comes but I'll still be thinking about it a lot though. I do worry a lot.

Thomas

Well, my relationship with Tom is really not well right now.How could he do that to me? I know we weren't really going out but you don't go around telling someone that you finally admitt your feelings for her and then turn around and start kissing someone else!! Have you ever thought how that would make me feel?? And he didn't even tell me! He just invited me to this site on the web and BAM!! There it is, staring right at me, a photo of him kissing his 'girlfriend'. And with my brother standing right behind me at the time, how was I suppose to react? I couldn't just start crying (of course I didn't really felt like crying at the time, too much anger in my system) in front of the computer! Even though I would really like to say that I'm over it and it didn't really hurt me that much, I can't. 'Cause he really did hurt me and I'm not quite over it yet. I feel like I'm just his experiment or something. I know I was a jerk too, at first but I didn't hurt him. I was a jerk in a way that I thought we would be better of as friends. But that was just for a really short period of time. And I didn't even tell him that. Every year when he comes back, that funny butterfly feeling in my stomach comes back again and I just fall back to liking him. It's really annoying you know. The reason I don't have a boyfriend now is totally because I keep comparing others to him. He's just like the best guy ever. But, honestly, really slow for a guy. GOD! He's so annoying! I mean, first you hurt me then you keep treating me the same way like last time (before he had a girlfriend and when he would really miss me and secretly try to hold my hand and gets adorably jealous) and then he keeps talking about how much he wants to go back to England when I totally sacrificed my physics result for him. So self-centered this person is! I even tried making him remember our (or preferably his) old feelings but I don't think it's working. It's like that song from Taylor Swift "You Belong With Me". I heard that recently, his so called girlfriend was sorta cheating on him. But I guess that's a romour since he's still in love with his 'muppet'. YUCK! And they even have a song! How annoying is that?? 'Love story' also by Taylor Swift, their song is. I HAVE to get back at him. I won't call it jealousy or just over reacting, it's more like revenge. And he won't see it coming. Hopefully he'll understand that I didn't mean for it to go this far. He pushed me to the edge. I'll probably try to hurt him twice as painful as he did to me. That boy gave me nightmares for god's sake. I even tried making his friend like me (worked succesfully) but still nothing. A little jealousy but still nothing big. Ugh! This is really irritating me. I hope they break up or something. But on the bright side, he's not coming next year. So I'll have plenty of time to think of ways to torture him. And I won't get distracted from my studying for next year's SPM. No one actually knows how I feel. They try to tease me about not being wanted and all but I always put on a strong face. I know when I'm not wanted anymore, I don't need you guys to keep reminding me. But he hurt me most when he kept saying how much he wanted to go back to England. Well fine! Go back and don't ever come back here ever again!.... I don't really mean it but he can't just keep saying that even when he wasn't saying it directly to me. It makes me feel like I'm no longer part of his life anymore. It really hurts. I know you don't want me but do you have to keep saying it!! I can tell that there would always be apart of me that wouldn't forgive him for this. Eventhough I don't show it. It's nothing personal but he'll be sorry.

whew...

OMG!! That was soooo lucky!! Thank god...I think...anyway, so what happen was that the letter at first was like missing and I was totally freaking out but ofcourse I didn't tell my mom. I'm not stupid! But luck was on my side today. I finally found the letter in the folder I passed up to my principal. She must have noticed because she like let take a re-test. I was so relived!! But only for awhile though. My friend who was sorta in the same situation wasn,t so lucky. I because she's my friend, I feel SO bad that she could take the re-test. Everytime I started the laugh today I also started to feel bad and sorta guilty for her. I mean, it's sorta like my fault 'cause I was the one who told her it wouldn't be a big deal and she could ditch that 'project day' and go to that camp that I wasn't allowed to go to. She doesn't remember that it was me who told her that but in the end she did make the decision. I wanted to say sorry but I couldn't do it. I feel like such a bad person! And when I told my mom that I was off the hook but my friend wasn't, she said "well, it's not our problem to deal with". God!! I know that it's not HER problem but she IS my friend and all. I would try to reason with that stupid principal of mine but I don't want my second chance to be taken away from me. Now I REALLY feel like a bad person. I know I'm just human but she's in so much trouble and it's sorta my fault too. And for her punishment, she got banned from ever going to camp AND she has to switch classes to a class that doesn't have physics. Oh, and she has to learn a whole new subject even when everyone in that class has already done it for a year now. She'll be way behind others. That is really unfair for her. She like cried the whole day in class and I have no idea how to comfort her. I mean, comfort coming from the person who got a re-test and she didn't?? That's really irritating. Atleast I would think so. I hope that the principal's only testing her. I really don't want to see my friend upset like that. Eventhough she gets on my nerves most of the time.

High school

I'm not actually gonna write about how my life is at school. It's too normal and boring to say anything about that. Anyway, I'm actually freaking out really bad right now. I was suppose to pass a letter of absenties to my principal for not going to school during the short holidays to do this physic 'peka' (project) thing but totally forgot til now. Well I won't actually call it forgot when it's more like didn't want to 'cause I was such a chicken. And now when my principal calls my mom, well it will be end of the world for me again. All these nonsence wouldn't have happened if that stupid principal of mine would just give me a re-test. I mean, it was on a holiday for god's sake!! I din't go because I had better things to do. I was visiting uncle Stan and Tom and his cute friend in penang. See?? How can that be compared to some stupid project?? Well it is sorta important in a way that I won't get an A for physics in my SPM if I don't do it. And i'll tell ya, news spreads too fast in school. Today it's like the whole teachers staff knows about it and eventhough wants to help, really can't do anything about it. Why you might ask? Well, she's the freaking principal!! I don't think anyone wants to say anything that might help unless they got another job and wants to get fired! I mean, I've tried making her compromise...doesn't work. And now my mom wants to go see her?? And then she'll know that I didn't give her the stupid letter and my life would be ruin. Yeah, nice going mom. Not only would my mom not trust me anymore and probably not help me get out of this stupid mess anymore but then my principal might also try to make my life misserable. Huh, I didn't know complicated this might turn out. So...I do have some plans. 1: I sneek into my principal's office tommorow morning and put the letter in a random file and when my mom calls and ask about the letter, I'll just say I put it on her table when she wasn't there and say that it wasn't my fault that she lost it or didn't see it and start searching her office. In the end when she actually finds the letter she can't say anything else but sorry for her carelessness. 2: I'll just give it to her tommorow and say that I didn't want to give it to her at first cause I thought that speaking to her in person would be much better. That way my life would only be misserable when she's around. She might tell my mom about this and that could get me in big trouble too. 3: I'll just tell the truth to everyone and hope for the best. Eventhough I sorta lied in the beginning but atleast they would give me credit for telling the truth right?? Let see...I really like the first one but if she's really organised then it wouldn't work. How much do I wish that I have a fast vampire boyfriend (like the one in Twilight, Edward) to help me. I'm not sure what I'll do and I don't really anticipate on doing anything that involves yelling so I'll just have to o with the flow. Smooth is how to say it. Hope it works out though.

reality or fiction

It's not like it's my fault to love love stories. And it's also not really my fault that after reading my imagination goes too far and starts thinking that the whole story was real. Sometimes too far til I pretend that I'm the lucky girl in the story. Being protected by her really hot boyfriend. Maybe it's because I can't really find my own love story. I am boy crazy after all....I've just finish reading the third book of the Twilight series and if I had a chose (which is what I usually pretent to have) I would actually feel really bad for Jacob. Eventhough I still think that having a vampire for a boyfriend is pretty cool. And is probably better to have a really cold skin boyfriend than a burning hot skin one in Malaysia. What with the weather and all. But sometimes I get too caught up in my imaginatipon that I can't really differentiate reality to fiction. It's pretty annoying actually. I mean, in fiction you can have the best life and boyfriend ever but when you actually crawl back to reality, the whole world seems to become really unfair!! Everything you thought you had actually doesn't really exist. It really annoys me. How cool would it be if I were the one that needed protecting, the one who would for madly in love with the nicest vampire ever lived and the one that has to make the decision on whether to love him all my life (a.k.a turn into a vampire myself). At first if you're looking for another point of view, you'd think I'm going crazy...I mean with me smilling and kinda talking to myself and all. But I'm actually just reacting the scenes out and pretenting the I'm the heroien. I bet that alot of people do that. It's sorta embarassing too. And a little confusing. It's like you're in this magical world and all of a sudden your mom calls you to come down for dinner and you're back to boring reality. Then all that you thought was happening actually didn't happen?? Argh...confusing!! But how much would I give if I could actually live IN the story and choose whether or not I want to come back to this stupid annoying reality. It wouild be really fun to keep changing you're personality (and boyfriends). I guess that's how actors and actresses feel. Hmmm....I think actresses could be a really good job for me. And noyone would say I'm crazy. Not that they say I'm crazy at all. Just precautions. Although, fiction can be confusing itself. I bet I won't be able to tell who's the real me anymore. It could turn out to be a good thing...or maybe not. Anyway I still would like to live in the world though. In that exciting world of Twilight. But it's only in my dreams now that I can't do that. Once again, reality stinks!!

turning 16

I can't belive I'm turning 16 next week. This year has me mixed in so many emotions. I can't say that it's my best year but I can't say that it is my worst year either. I'm not sure if 16 is the year of reality or not but I found out that a lot of people starts showing their true self in during this age. Reality also hits you really hard at this age. A lot of things that you once thought as important suddenly isn't that important anymore. I don't really like the feeling of needing to be truely mature but it's inevitable. All the friends that you once thought like you the way you like them turns out to have too many grudges on you. Having a strong sixth sence when you're 16 isn't a bad idea though. Atleast you know what's coming for you. So much hatred a person can feel for another person is quite common at this age. It's not very comforting but it teaches you alot about living in the real world. Most of the time you can only trust yourself and yet can still feel doubt for yourself. It's like you're not only not good enough for others but yourself too. Although there are some bright sides at turning 16. I mean it's still quite emotional but atleast it's the good type. You feel more in control of yourself. And most of the time you are anticipating to finish high school and start your new life in the real world. Honestly, I don't really think I'm ready for that yet. To plan your moves before you actually move, to have to watch your back constantly and to know what you really want in life. I think 16 is a good year to find your true self. Eventhough I'm not really sure how to....it's actually really hard. And when your parents think it's not a worry yet, you know that it is something to worry about. Who would want to go through life halfway and find out that in the end it's not what you wanted or where you wanted to go. But try telling that to your parents and I can bet that they'll tell you 'follow your heart' or 'just do your best'. Following your heart is not as easy as it seems when you live a conmplicated life like i think I 'm living now, there are so many people to consider. And when just doing your best isn't good enough, it get way more complicated. Puppy love though is quite fun at this age for it is the best time to experiment. Although my first kiss has left me a year ago, it's more fun to experience it this year. But like I said. Complication is a BIG problem. Kissing is totally major at this age. It has to be the right person!! Even I think so. And I'm the boy crazy one. Most of my friends have already turned 16 and they still don't think it's a big deal. Or do they?? It's kinda hard to tell when most of them are so secretive and self-centred. One friend in particular is kinda annoying...i think that's the right word. She sorta hates everyone and think everyone is out to get her or something. It's not like that's our fault!! She just won't let us in. She did say a few things that had me thinking really hard though. It seems that I'm not such a good friend myself. And I do admit that cause I felt the same way she does before. But I have changed alot these few years. It's not that I'm not sorry but if you don't want people to treat you in a certain way you don't treat others the same. She should atleast try to trust someone and stop feeling like she can't trust the whole world. It's knda silly in a way.