The future

Hmmm.....well, my future is quite a mess right now. I don't mean it in a bad way. It's just that I can't make up my mind. I have no idea what I want to be in my near future. If you think there's time, well, you're wrong. There is no time. It's not just what I want to be or do but I have to know what I'm going to be studying in college. Most of the things I have in mind won't really have a bright future I would say. Like for now I would really like to be a film director. But in order to get to that stage, minus all the fame, I still need to get through the first 10 years of being something else, like an assistant or something. I can't really wait that long. I also really like acting but being an actress only has its good times when you're famous. I also thought of being a neurosurgeon. But....to be that you got to study. A lot. And I'm really sure I'm not the study type. I'm more of a action and artistic person. I really like creating something totally new or use my imagination a lot. I could also do video or sound editing, but I don't think it would get me any where. And there is the possibility of becoming a film executive. But I don't really want to be blamed for bad films. It's like the outside world is coming to get me or something. And I only have 1 more year to go. After my SPM, I have to go to college. And then if I chose the wrong path...I don't even want to think about the consequences. It could destroy my future. I'm not worried that I won't do a good job at whatever I have to do in the end. I'm mostly worried that I won't be happy with what I chose. This is really hard for me and I believe it's hard for everyone my age. I know I still have 1 year to think about it but I really want to focus next year and not let my insecurity of my future abrupt my concentration. If I come from a rich family, then there won't be this problem. I can't change courses when I can't stand the first one and not worry about wasting money. Things would be so much easier. The main reason why I want a better future is so that I can give my mom a better life. She can go around the world or buy whatever she wants and won't get worried about the budget. Film directing is what I mainly feel like doing right now. I'll make my decision when the time comes but I'll still be thinking about it a lot though. I do worry a lot.