turning 16

I can't belive I'm turning 16 next week. This year has me mixed in so many emotions. I can't say that it's my best year but I can't say that it is my worst year either. I'm not sure if 16 is the year of reality or not but I found out that a lot of people starts showing their true self in during this age. Reality also hits you really hard at this age. A lot of things that you once thought as important suddenly isn't that important anymore. I don't really like the feeling of needing to be truely mature but it's inevitable. All the friends that you once thought like you the way you like them turns out to have too many grudges on you. Having a strong sixth sence when you're 16 isn't a bad idea though. Atleast you know what's coming for you. So much hatred a person can feel for another person is quite common at this age. It's not very comforting but it teaches you alot about living in the real world. Most of the time you can only trust yourself and yet can still feel doubt for yourself. It's like you're not only not good enough for others but yourself too. Although there are some bright sides at turning 16. I mean it's still quite emotional but atleast it's the good type. You feel more in control of yourself. And most of the time you are anticipating to finish high school and start your new life in the real world. Honestly, I don't really think I'm ready for that yet. To plan your moves before you actually move, to have to watch your back constantly and to know what you really want in life. I think 16 is a good year to find your true self. Eventhough I'm not really sure how to....it's actually really hard. And when your parents think it's not a worry yet, you know that it is something to worry about. Who would want to go through life halfway and find out that in the end it's not what you wanted or where you wanted to go. But try telling that to your parents and I can bet that they'll tell you 'follow your heart' or 'just do your best'. Following your heart is not as easy as it seems when you live a conmplicated life like i think I 'm living now, there are so many people to consider. And when just doing your best isn't good enough, it get way more complicated. Puppy love though is quite fun at this age for it is the best time to experiment. Although my first kiss has left me a year ago, it's more fun to experience it this year. But like I said. Complication is a BIG problem. Kissing is totally major at this age. It has to be the right person!! Even I think so. And I'm the boy crazy one. Most of my friends have already turned 16 and they still don't think it's a big deal. Or do they?? It's kinda hard to tell when most of them are so secretive and self-centred. One friend in particular is kinda annoying...i think that's the right word. She sorta hates everyone and think everyone is out to get her or something. It's not like that's our fault!! She just won't let us in. She did say a few things that had me thinking really hard though. It seems that I'm not such a good friend myself. And I do admit that cause I felt the same way she does before. But I have changed alot these few years. It's not that I'm not sorry but if you don't want people to treat you in a certain way you don't treat others the same. She should atleast try to trust someone and stop feeling like she can't trust the whole world. It's knda silly in a way.